On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
