Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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