porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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