You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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