butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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