this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
