forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
