just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
