Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Farmville is her only friend.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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