My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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