He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
