Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
