I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
