'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
