I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
