capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
