Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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