well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
