So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
