Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
