just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
