He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
