it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.