so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm at about main and main street
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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