Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized

  (914): View more from New York

  No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."

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  (508): Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized (914): No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes." http://tfl.nu/s64m
  Replies (23) Good night (3339) Bad night (871)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.

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  (724): I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard. http://tfl.nu/gkmc
  Replies (62) Good night (9803) Bad night (1698)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage

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  (201): Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage http://tfl.nu/vsxr
  Replies (13) Good night (4859) Bad night (1084)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  We had to coat check the pizza.

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  (514): We had to coat check the pizza. http://tfl.nu/aa4o
  Replies (3) Good night (3178) Bad night (1173)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.

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  (703): I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave. http://tfl.nu/udrq
  Replies (4) Good night (2282) Bad night (941)
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  (212): View more from New York

  You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..

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  (212): You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark.. http://tfl.nu/eret
  Replies (12) Good night (2231) Bad night (783)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.

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  (317): Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween. http://tfl.nu/d60f
  Replies (15) Good night (3125) Bad night (839)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?

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  (402): What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something? http://tfl.nu/b3em
  Replies (16) Good night (2482) Bad night (813)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?

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  (775): Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear? http://tfl.nu/c8pp
  Replies (2) Good night (1321) Bad night (590)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...

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  (786): the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words... http://tfl.nu/e7uv
  Replies (0) Good night (1152) Bad night (598)
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  (510): View more from California

  It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.

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  (510): It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me. http://tfl.nu/e2b3
  Replies (4) Good night (1086) Bad night (516)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.

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  (647): I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool. http://tfl.nu/nmia
  Replies (11) Good night (1261) Bad night (472)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes

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  (970): Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes http://tfl.nu/j9tk
  Replies (5) Good night (1624) Bad night (443)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time

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  (647): Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time http://tfl.nu/3x1t
  Replies (1) Good night (336) Bad night (112)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?

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  (905): Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid? http://tfl.nu/amx6
  Replies (0) Good night (100) Bad night (18)

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