Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.