Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  you still trying to smash that chick?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober

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  (248): you still trying to smash that chick? (1-248): it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober http://tfl.nu/22ty
  Replies (1) Good night (772) Bad night (1045)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.

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  (808): Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber. http://tfl.nu/bjtn
  Replies (24) Good night (998) Bad night (2421)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  What tipped you off? The sombrero?

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  (614): What tipped you off? The sombrero? http://tfl.nu/yqu3
  Replies (11) Good night (4729) Bad night (640)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...

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  (262): My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here... http://tfl.nu/iwch
  Replies (54) Good night (4456) Bad night (1796)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again

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  (610): ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again http://tfl.nu/ywr6
  Replies (11) Good night (4187) Bad night (708)
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  (530): View more from California

  There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.

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  (530): There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool. http://tfl.nu/gbzx
  Replies (16) Good night (6442) Bad night (1211)
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  (805): View more from California

  he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.

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  (805): he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop. http://tfl.nu/2w6b
  Replies (14) Good night (2887) Bad night (1047)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man

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  (614): I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man http://tfl.nu/8rsc
  Replies (9) Good night (4248) Bad night (943)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.

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  (617): I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night. http://tfl.nu/ytje
  Replies (7) Good night (4022) Bad night (1243)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.

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  (618): I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed. http://tfl.nu/50l6
  Replies (11) Good night (6930) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.

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  (978): She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch. http://tfl.nu/wlr1
  Replies (6) Good night (635) Bad night (1973)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.

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  (203): Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid. http://tfl.nu/8q4l
  Replies (8) Good night (2261) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now

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  (604): I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now http://tfl.nu/aqb9
  Replies (11) Good night (1890) Bad night (473)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.

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  (+44): You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon. http://tfl.nu/b5ax
  Replies (2) Good night (559) Bad night (276)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on

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  (775): He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on http://tfl.nu/rn16
  Replies (7) Good night (568) Bad night (243)

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