How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.