Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night