i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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