C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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