I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He better not be in your backpack
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
