I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
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All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
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The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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