if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
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I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
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Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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