He passed out mid-signature
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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