I understand Curling. That high.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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