Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
