make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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