she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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