Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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