You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
