If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
