fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
