oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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