my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
