Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
