Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
