he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You pole danced in your parka.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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