I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
