this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
