I feel great
I just peed on a car
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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