i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
