do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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