Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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