if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
