where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
