I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
