she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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