so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
that's an acceptable place to lick
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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