the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
