I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
