let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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