I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
