I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Princesses don't give blow jobs
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
