If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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