if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
