New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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