Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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