he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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