Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Boobs speak an international language.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
