do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
