i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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