I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
