ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Your penis caused this!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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