his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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