and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
