You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
